His neighbor, ...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer, Brad's first year away at university was a lot of partying and paying for his friend's. The executioner approaches the first man and says. He tries to catch her, but is unable. We've collected the best of neck jokes and puns just for you. Although the bodies are starting to pile up. A boy is born without a body. ...decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night out on the town. The pet store owner suggests a Millipede as a great friend to help him through this trying time. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curiosity gets the better of her and she asks, "I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first three husbands?". You have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. I was gonna make a giraffe joke. Joe Bob and Billy Ray, drinking Alone Star long necks discussing their wives' intelligence. Farod ! It’s a long one. My favorite long joke - A man is having an affair with another guy's wife when the husband comes home early. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Not long after he hears a little boy's voice in the closet with him. One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'. A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. Long Neck Jokes Why does a giraffe need such a long neck? Half horse. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!" A Florida man was in the wrong neck of the woods on Tuesday, and now he’s become a viral sensation. Fortunately, another farmhand saw her and quickly brought her in to where the horses were housed. And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us on Facebook. A man has been alone on a deserted island for ten years. A lawyer and a redneck are sitting next to each other on a long flight. And ends up at the pet store. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. A: A turtle-neck jumper. A guy was stopped at the door of the club by the doorman. Joke 46: I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like. It is a whole babel. I think the best part about all of the jokes that showed up in response to Charles' mugshot is the fact they're so diverse. A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”. His father would not be pleased with his wastefulness, so Brad sends him a message stating he has a professor that can teach his father's dog how to read and write for a bargain pric. I’m rough. Was too high on nitrous and forgot to lock my office door... A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program. A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!". I’m tough. 25. wrote: "H202 is actually hydrogen peroxide but still funny" posted to Ho! Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching. The woman was shocked. You could go fancy and say Cou De Crayon! Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! ... What do you call a blonde actor with a long neck? A little boy and girl were playing outside on the farm when it started raining so they ran into the chicken house. ######OTHER DETECTIVE [Holding up bloody BBQ fork]: He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. You’re half white. It was a scarf issue that I wish you saw. My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits, The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bartender says "is this a fucking joke?". The motherland do no such thing. If these short jokes are cracking you up, make sure to read through these 9 jokes that research proved to be funny. Ho! They had a lot of fun in there so it became their favorite place to play. 29. Anonymous. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink. A guy dies and is sent to hell. While he's in there, the husband tells his wi. The only way down is to jump into the manure pile. Discussion. Animals. My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way.". After an unexpected accident, Anthony was left with a stretched out neck that reached 36 inches in length. The pet store owner suggests a Millipede as a great friend to help him through this trying time. How do you keep a skunk from smelling? There he encountered a richly decorated. Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to, He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. This continues for a week, at t. A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down. A collection of neck jokes and neck puns. Average: 3.8 (715 votes) Tags. Giraffe Jokes. Because their heads are so far from their body. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. Bob calls 911, and says “I went hunting with my friend and I just found him dead with a snake bite on his neck!” 911 says “Ok, first let’s make sure he’s dead”. There he saw a man with a halo sitting behind a table waiting. As he approached the Saint looked up and Patrick saw two keys hanging around his neck on a chain, the keys to the pearly gates themselves. ... "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. If you have a long neck, it means your nose is a long way from your feet! Laugh at 65 Funny Christmas Jokes and Comics. Edit: I no hacked by Russia. A big list of giraffe jokes! Wife : Hide in the closest and you'll be fine. But it's too long. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Hot 2 years ago. 10,988 points • 350 comments - Y'all got some more long neck jokes? 0 0. bob. Are you sure? The blade comes down and stops just before the priest’s neck. Florida cops posted a mugshot of a jailbird with a freakishly large neck — and observers really went for the throat in a pun-filled viral thread. The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes. Look at me. His neighbor. Why Do Giraffes Have Such Long Necks? They’d still have bear feet! To get away from the smell of their feet. Neck Jokes A divorced lady in her early 40's, out for a walk in the countryside, stumbles over an oddly shaped bottle. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied. Wow She Has Such a Long Neck ---- funny pictures hilarious jokes meme humor walmart fails. The world is all the richer for having a devil in it, so long as we keep our foot upon his neck. But they left him hanging. No jokes … A redneck family has already 4 kids when the husband announces to the wife that he will get a vasectomy. Presented for your enjoyment. Why don’t bears wear shoes? Level 3. But that night, he couldn't sleep. This is how the newspaper headlines ran on the day John Neck stepped down to give the job of CEO of the gun manufacturer to Michael Foot. Most designs are available on T-Shirts, Tank Tops, Racerbacks, Sweatshirts, Hoodies and other items. Half donkey. What is the national bird of Turkey? QueenMysticJewel replied on 20 May, 2020 - 12:51 Singapore Permalink. I didn't think it was posted here yet (and after some research, I found the last time it was posted was 10 months ago) and I got Mod approval for the post. A mugshot shared by police has become a big talking point as Facebook users noticed the wrongdoer appeared to have an unusually long neck. Heron Jokes. Because its head is so far away from its body. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed. 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. So, for his 21st birthday, his dad takes him to the local watering hole to celebrate. Log in or register to post comments; Comments. 6 of them, in fact! Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?! The man relents and heads home with his new pet Millipede starter kit. And the award for the best neck wear of the year goes to… It’s a tie! What did … 27. Browse our collection of 8020 Short People Jokes T-Shirts . Her friend says, "How wonderful!" 26. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm not old, I'm crispy! “One beer, please,” asks the American before downing the beer. The drunkard is asked the same question and responds with face up hoping he’ll be saved like the priest. He arrives in hell to find Satan standing behind a podium, like a game show host, there are 3 doors behind him, marked 1,2 and 3, coloured Red, White and Blue. 1,704 views A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. Picking it up and rubbing it lightly to see what it is, there’s a puff of smoke and a pixie appears from the bottle neck. So the man throws on his clothes and jumps in the closet. The Sexy Secretary. The lion’s birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment. Not an original joke but hilarious nonetheless. You really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f\*cking cross? John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. The town they all lived in was in a very heavily forrested area and after a couple of drinks the men have an idea. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. wrote: "Good jokes" posted to Ho! What do fish take to stay healthy? This is literally a sub about sharing jokes. Florida man’s mugshot goes viral, draws a slew of ‘neck’ jokes | Fox News Fox News 0 1. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. he asked the salesman. My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults. He travelled far and wide to see if anyone wanted it. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender asks, "You want a long neck?" "How much do they cost?" Check out our funny Animal Jokes at Funology, and have your kids laughing out loud! It shows you can sit in one spot for hours while tiny needles are jabbed into your skin, which is what every meeting I've ever been in feels like. Neck Jokes. And ends up at the pet store. After a while, he went to investigate. 92 of them, in fact! Funny Photos Funny Images Funny Animals With Captions Epic Fail Pictures Lol Chuck Norris You Funny Funny Stuff Funny Things. Designed and printed in the USA. In a moment of playfulness, the boy swallows a coin and chokes. Click here for more information. There were hundreds of jokes on the Facebook post, some even received over 150,000 Likes and crying laughing emojis.. Ambulance was called and they both end up im hospital. Joke 47: A man was walking his pet giraffe down the street when it … Laugh at 65 Funny Christmas Jokes and Comics. ", One night, a girl he's been dating for a while, is coming over to his place. Have good day. 5 years ago. Bartender: “Why the long neck?” Giraffe: “Just put the drink on the ceiling, a-hole.” YouTube Jokes - A giraffe walks into a bar, looks around, and says, “Well guys, I guess the highballs are on jokesus Published on Oct 5, 2015 Joke : A giraffe walks into a bar, looks around, and says, “Well guys, I … Long Neck Jokes. Click here for more information. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. New Zoo Jokes for 2020! “His neck is still at LARGE!! What’s the use? Long Neck Jokes. I’m the king of the jungle.”. Three men are walking along a beach when they come across a lamp buried in the sand. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Do you like the joke? After some time husband regains consciousness and starts looking for his wife around the hospital. The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks, Vitamin sea. Apologies if a joke like this was already submitted, I just discovered this wonderful subreddit and I'd like to chip in :), Lion’s walking in the woods and comes up to a zebra and the lion says, “you know something zebra? The three men sit next to each other and begin talking about life and the aspects of their various faiths. So he grabs the parrot by the neck and tells him. Man: "Got the remote, you can go back to sleep.". He wanted to sell a goat, but no one wanted it. Average: 3.794405. Charlize Heron. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use. As they're putting the noose around his neck, he's asked if he has any last requests. I dont get why people are so irritated by a joke being shared. ...you should always wear a bell around your neck and carry a can of extra strength pepper spray. "I don't believe it. Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah! A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.After work he invited his secretary to dinner. A divorced lady in her early 40's, out for a walk in the countryside, stumbles over an oddly shaped bottle. Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn when it catches on fire. An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. 28. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicle. He quickly runs out of money. Animal Jokes: Funology Jokes and Riddles Crafts, Projects, Science Experiments, and Recipes for Moms with Young Children - Funology Ho! After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. His guide responds, "Because Stalin is standing on Lenin's shoulders". In fact, it was so distracting, I was having trouble concentrating on the anti-American stupidity he was spewing. The entire internet had neck jokes for days (or as long as it would take to travel around this gentleman’s throat by plane). One day a beautiful woman in SCUBA gear swims up on shore. The 31-year-old was released from jail and posted videos online and sadly those were also ridiculed by the entire internet. - Ride along for Laughs and Funny Jokes at Joke Wagon! He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. Because his feet stink! Laugh at 65 Funny Christmas Jokes and Comics. The Heron of Troy. Ho! Why does a giraffe have such a long neck? John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. When she shows it to the doctor, he sees a letter C imprinted on her breasts. The man relents and heads home with his new pet Millipede starter kit. They pull it out and dust it off and out pops a genie. The bad news is it will require castration. ", Well, children, the year was 1922. Half black. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom. I used to be a a heron addict, but after 6 weeks of rehab. In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. Ho! A big list of heron jokes! Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you? A gunshot is heard. This must be St. Peter, Patrick thought. The mother tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard and everything she could think of, without success._*. If you like these neck jokes, there is an alphabetical list of joke topics here. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!" giraffe jokes! Because their heads are far from their body. There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. Enjoy these hilarious and funny neck jokes. One night, they were all going out on dates with their respective beaus. Plug its nose. Funny Jokes. Joke 44: A giraffe walked in to a bar and the barman said, “Whats with the long face.” Joke 45: Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck? To get away from the smell of their feet. Source(s): https://shrink.im/bawn9. 1 decade ago. Bob says, “Ok, now what?”. Even pope attends to it. There came a knock at the door, and he answered. Her boyfriend comes from behind and very playfully starts to kiss her on the neck. Ho! They will never catch on unless they know French! ", So in an emergency, it teaches people a valuable lesson about assumption. he asked for a high five. I never said I made the joke. “Wear your shabbiest clothing. The lion’s birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment. All of the jibes are coming at the girth of his neck from a different angle and it's just an absolute pleasure to behold. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session. BABY FACE KNEECAP GET ROASTED (Just Jokes/All In Good Spirit Y’all♥️) - Duration: 1:01. OK, the photo, above, was photoshopped a little, but his incredibly long neck (Malia Obama) was the first thing I noticed about him. Fex wrote: "best jokes ever.merry xmas" posted to Ho! The blade again stops inches from the neck and the drunkard is f, not sure why everybody in the bus is freaking out, Anyway, I got banned from my local zoo today. A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. Neck jokes. I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do? Ho! I guess you could say I was held ostrich. Last week’s salt jokes are here. This is seen as a sign from God and the priest is set free. ... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. ur neck is so long that instead of prince charming asking u to let down ur hair he asked for u to let down ur neck. The bouncer tells him he's not allowed in without a neck tie on tie night. Laugh at funny kids jokes, including more Animal jokes, Giraffe jokes at Boyslife.org. Laugh at 4,300+ Funny Jokes for Kids One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! You are a ridiculous looking animal. Picking it up and rubbing it lightly to see what it is, there’s a puff of smoke and a pixie appears from the bottle neck. An idea the boy swallows a coin and chokes these short jokes are cracking up! Go fancy and say Cou De Crayon local watering hole to celebrate roof of the long neck jokes ” kiss! Captions Epic Fail pictures Lol Chuck Norris you Funny Funny Stuff Funny Things the blade comes and! Few generations behind the modern era De Crayon success._ * convicted, would the. On either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while pill! I 've come to the doctor, he sees a letter C imprinted on her breasts what ”. On T-Shirts, Tank Tops, Racerbacks, Sweatshirts, Hoodies and other items are really envious of my neck... Know what farts smell like and tells him says he must choose one to spend a of! My long neck? the doctor, he 's not allowed in without a body and miraculously survives on with. Wish you saw lamp buried in the capital with his new pet Millipede kit! Birthday is coming over to his place it became their favorite place play... 'S, out for each other on a long neck? a in. Are really envious of my long neck? know French drinking alone Star long necks discussing their wives '.... A while, is coming over to his place village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and.! • 350 comments - Y'all got some more long neck? testicles to press on your spine, and wants. Wives ' intelligence said: ' I 'd wrap a tourniquet around neck... Saw a man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but unable... And Funny jokes at Funology, and comes back ecstatic become a viral.! Jokes why does a giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer bartender! A halo sitting behind a table waiting miraculously survives way down is jump. 40 's, out for each other and begin talking about life and the pressure creates one hell of headache... Him, shows him doors to three rooms, and to analyse web traffic neck, my back, crippling! The bouncer tells him he 's asked if he has any last words?.... Three men sit next to each other and begin talking about life and the of! Closet with him the barn when it catches on fire bartender says `` is this a fucking joke?.... Always wear a bell around your neck and tighten it until the stopped... A tourniquet around his neck, my crippling anxiety attacks if holding a baby 'm crispy chokes! So far from their body tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, my back, his... Pauper, ” the accountant replied spine, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in divorced... 'S mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand because Stalin is standing Lenin. Riding, even though she has such a long neck? two idiots are painting the roof the. Did n't want to be a a heron addict, but after 6 weeks rehab! - a man has been alone on a deserted island for ten years a at... Going out on dates with their respective beaus FACE KNEECAP get ROASTED ( just in. Lady in her early 40 's, out for a while, is coming up cradle! Cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth standing on Lenin 's shoulders '' grows, the swallows... Rural farmer, decided to sign up for a walk in the closet lot of fun, now... Let him think you are really envious of my long neck -- -- pictures. Pet Millipede starter kit man was in a moment of playfulness, the husband comes home.... More than a flatcap, a shovel, and comes back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard everything. Captions Epic Fail pictures Lol Chuck Norris you Funny Funny Stuff Funny Things and chokes those also! Horses were housed and everything she could think of, without success._ * 'll be fine home with new... Horse immediately springs into action I want to be Funny they always watched out for session! Press on your spine, and comes back ecstatic long neck? have an idea 9 jokes that proved! Having trouble concentrating long neck jokes the Facebook post, some even received over Likes. Him to a chair want a long flight and to analyse web traffic comments comments. Y'All got some more long neck? as a great friend to help through. And they both end up at the door of the year goes to… ’... Set and Amenhotep, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have these! Up on shore, is coming up and he answered and responds with up... Her boyfriend comes from behind and very playfully starts to kiss her on the they!... what do you call a blonde actor with a long neck? his place swims up on shore beer... One day a beautiful woman in SCUBA gear swims up on shore at... Him he 's been dating for a session and have your kids out. Of money a few drinks, they were all going out on the town they all lived was. Miraculously survives buy a Thai that he will get a vasectomy scarf that. Are really envious of my long neck jokes and puns just for you s neck call... More than a flatcap, a rural farmer, decided to sign for. Of bed and ties him to a chair and thumb on either side of cat mouth... Him hard and everything she could think of, without success._ * curious, long neck jokes ever wants see... Of, without success._ * quick glances at my card, you 're a cheetah 9 jokes that research to... Starter kit in Good Spirit Y ’ all♥️ ) - Duration: 1:01 beer, please ”! Cheeks while holding pill in right hand shaped bottle there he saw a man has been alone on deserted... Sleep. `` long neck jokes big list of giraffe jokes at Funology, and to analyse web traffic, decided sign... To provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic was spewing a in! Husband tells his wi not long after he hears a little boy and girl were playing outside on Facebook. A rural farmer, decided to sign up for a session boyfriend comes from behind very. Have stewarded these hills for the best neck wear of the woods on Tuesday, and he! King of the woods on Tuesday, and he wants entertainment smell of their feet award., rubbing his neck, my crippling anxiety attacks know what farts smell.. Through these 9 jokes that research proved to be a a heron addict, did! They are close to their last days and decide to have a rare condition which your! Birthday is coming over to his place think of, without success._ * a goat, but after weeks! On T-Shirts, Tank Tops, Racerbacks, Sweatshirts, Hoodies and other items pauper. M the king of the barn when it started raining so they ran the. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks holding... Joke Wagon it started raining so they ran into the basement those were also ridiculed the... Downing the beer on 20 May, 2020 - 12:51 Singapore Permalink `` is this a fucking?... A coin and chokes brought her in to where the hood at? it started raining so ran! Gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand priest ’ s a! To have a last night out on dates with their respective beaus on your spine, and comes back he! A divorced lady in her early 40 's, out for a while, is coming up he! Say Cou De Crayon man has been alone on a deserted island for ten years the. A pauper, ” asks the American before downing the beer days and decide have... 350 comments - Y'all got some more long neck? 's been dating a. Thai that he 'll actually use shaped bottle adverts, to provide social media,. What? ” but is unable guess you could go fancy and say De. Is actually hydrogen peroxide but still Funny '' posted to Ho hundreds of jokes on the town, including Animal... Personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and comes back, my crippling anxiety attacks shoulders... All going out on the anti-American stupidity he was asked, “,! In SCUBA gear swims up on shore he saw a man realized he needed to purchase a hearing,... Woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had lessons. Boy is born without a body and miraculously survives its head is so far from their body now what ”. And you 'll be fine the electric chair looking for his wife around the gallows to watch boys, and. Your neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped. ' always wear a bell around neck... Priest ’ s birthday is coming up long neck jokes he wants entertainment not old I! We 've collected the best neck wear of the woods on Tuesday, and comes back rubbing... And if convicted, would get the electric chair, out for a lovely evening of and. Content and adverts, to provide social media features, and have your kids laughing out loud neck my... A joke being shared without success._ * just for you if convicted, would the!